A recent viewing has prompted me to define my admiration for Daniel Craig. He who is so talented, so fine, and so fashionable, you swear t-shirts were invented just for him. No wonder poor Rhys Ifans was obsessed.

David suggested that I use the following quotes to express my celebrity crush. I didn't come up with any of them by the way. I don't usually sink that low:

"Man, that Daniel Craig is one layer cake I'd be willing to eat again and again!"

"I don't know about you, but I'd be happy to let Daniel Craig mother me any day!"

"I have to confess! I have an enduring love for Daniel Craig!"

"I have to take my own little road to perdition for Daniel Craig!"

"Daniel Craig is one jacket I'd love to try on!"

"Lordy, Daniel Craig can raid my tomb any day!" (alright, this one's mine)

Anyone else wanna chip in? You know you love Danny too.

Adam Smith is currently an actor in LA, who's also a fine writer in his own right. I've asked him to read for a role in "Ciao" awhile back. I also wanted his feedback, which he kindly offered:

It's refreshing to see an episode of people's lives as they occur rather than as Hollywood would have us believe they occur. In my opinion, the only drawback to the script is that the stakes aren't very high. The characters are believable, you have a knack for writing dialogue the way that people actually speak, and all of the storytelling elements are there: humor, tragedy, anticipation, etc. Maybe the stakes don't need to be high. They aren't always in real life. I guess I just noticed that your style (as in "Happy Birthday," and from what I recall of your part of the script in "Deadroom") tends to find the tension in the quiet moments. To be more specific, imagine you're in a room full of friends. Just a regular day, doing regular stuff. One of the friends always carries a concealed gun. He never shows it, never talks about it. Everyone knows he has it, nobody knows why, nobody asks. There is nothing inherently strange or dangerous about the guy other than the fact that he carries a concealed gun around. That, to me, is what your filmmaking style is like. I didn't feel that element in "Ciao." I hope that makes sense, and I don't want to offend you. I'm just being honest because I respect and admire your ability.

I'm not sure if that's an accurate analogy of my filmmaking style, but it sure as heck sounds neat.

~

Speaking of higher stakes, check out David's interview with the filmmaker who always raises them.

~

I still have bad posture. Blame it on the suffering self-esteem in my teens. I walk better now, but every now and then, like that Friday afternoon when I received the dreaded news, I found my shoulders drooping on my way to the men's room; my body language screaming: I'm just not good enough.

In the next 24 hours, the following questions and statements arised in random order. Many irrelevan t, some ridiculous, but a few enlightening. I'm writing them down so I can read it out loud with the hope of laughing at my inner demon working overtime:

It doesn't help that you're gay AND Asian.

Oh, and you don't look like this.

Porn moans louder than art.

You're out of tune with your community. Your work does not speak to them, and frankly, they could give a fuck. The last thing we need are gay films with Mike Leigh sensibilities. How bloody depressing.

What's this crap about respecting your characters? Empathy is overrated. Exploit them. And yes, they have to take off their clothes when they dance. Or even when they're reading a book. Because really, the gay audience will eat that shit up.

Before I forget, keep your characters under the age of 25. Refer to these magazine covers for visual references.

Have you thought about going to the bars more regularly? Like say, every other night? Your vocab needs a tune-up.

Speaking of, your gaydar must be replaced.

Please work more on your snappy one-liners. For inspirations, watch this religiously. Also recommended.

Why are you always trying to be profound? What's this obsession with poignancy?

You have to work on meeting more gay friends. Having too many heteros in your life is just a disguise for your self-hatred.

It's hard to stand straight when you have integrity.

~

But...

for the lack of a better and more constructive explanation, I can't quite bring myself to shut down "Ciao." There's something about the material that's still hanging onto me, refusing to let go. I will find out what that something is eventually, but calling it quits is just an irrationally emotion al reaction. It's one of those scripts I suppose: okay on paper but better on screen?

~

I remember the months after I came out in college, when I became very jaded very quickly. There were disillusions with the gay scene; how people treated each other, how quickly the vibrant nightlife became as monotonous as a bad techno beat. And I snapped out of it soon enough. I stopped going out, I stopped partying. Then I moved to Dallas, and I had to go through it all over again just to meet people. The inferiority of being an outcast amongst other outcasts didn't change however, I had such problems relating and being related to. I thought that when people didn't ask you questions about yourself, it's because you were a boring ass, not because they were insecure. But filmmaking came into the picture, and suddenly, t here were possibilities. With life, with my voice. Slowly but surely, I found my niche: my friends and family. And I realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who are totally fine with me being me.

Naturally, when I go through this cycle of "we-don't-want-to-make-yo ur-kind-of-gay-films,"&nb sp;I'm reminded of those early days when I felt completely overlooked and misunderstood. All these years later, I'm fighting the same battle again, only in a different arena.

~

My name is Yen Tan. I'm a filmmaker in Dallas, Texas. I'm Chinese. I speak fluent Mandarin and broken Cantonese. I seek to make films about everyday people living their everyday lives. Most of them are homosexuals. I don't consciously set out to do so, but I believe it's my subconscious attempt to push forward a representation of the gay everyman in contemporary cinema. We're not just hustlers, druggies, gym bunnies, drag queens, sex fiends or asexual comic reliefs. We're also the plumber. The postman. The accountant. The teacher. The unemployed. The retiree. We are human above our sexuality. We eat. We shit. We fuck. We pay our bills. We seek love. Sometimes we find it, other times we don't. Most of us are not cute. Or dress well. Or drive fancy cars and have mucho disposable income. It's only in our most unfabulous moments, that truth and beauty exist.