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| Do you look like Ed Harris circa "Alamo Bay"? |
| 07.30.04 (10:06 am) [edit] |
[url=http://www.cupcakekitchen.com...]Steven's[/url] been hounding me all week to catch [url=http://www.strandreleasing.co...]"The Mudge Boy,"[/url] which I planned on doing last Sunday but ended up watching [url=http://www.paramountclassics....]this[/url] with the fellas.
I finally saw it yesterday evening and was highly impressed. Coincidentally enough, both films involved anal rape incidents that sparked off a series of violent events. In essence, they were two different character studies sharing a common theme of masculinity and its potential destruction to the male psyche.
"Mudge" left a more vivid impression, portraying the frailty of youth and the fine line between the expressions of love and hate. There were scenes that stood out, and without revealing much of the ending, the crucial climax that many found disturbing/offensive was a symbolic moment of a boy becoming a man. The sadness reflected in his eyes as he makes a conscious decision to shed his innocence is absolutely heartbreaking. It's something we all have gone through, only most of us were not aware of it when it happened.
It is even more tragic that a film like this came and went without much attention (and earned some undeservingly [url=http://dallasvoice.com/articl...]negative[/url] and [url=http://www.nytimes.com/2004/0...]misguided[/url] reviews). I urge you to check it out when it comes out on video.
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James has a [url=http://www.beautifulconfusion...]blog[/url]. Here's to many delightful entries.
Speaking of, Dogpoet's current [url=http://www.dogpoet.com/2004_0...]one[/url] is a touching reminder of the memories we take or leave before we move on to the next stage of our lives.
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I had a creative jolt of energy yesterday when I e-mailed [url=http://www.qcinema.org]QCinema[/url] and asked them if they may be interested in conducting a staged reading of "Pit Stop." They said yes and it looks like one may be set up sometime in September or October.
Now I have to figure out who to cast. Problem is, I'm wondering if I have that many options. I started to think about actors cringing or backing out on gay roles again, and although no physical interaction is required, the idea that their characters are kissing or touching each other can be enough to set them off.
Additionally, I'm looking for people who can convincingly sink into blue-collar roles (e.g. baseball cap wearing, facial hair having, southern drawl speaking), please give me a holla (D/FW locale preferred). I assure you it'll be a creatively enriching experience.
And don't ask me the question if you have to kiss a guy. You don't in this case, but I really don't need to feel like I'm doing anything abnormal in my life anymore.
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| "You gotta be good, you gotta be at 2000 places at once..." |
| 07.21.04 (8:47 pm) [edit] |
[url=http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightan...]Well[/url]-[url=http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightan...]written[/url] reviews of two of my favorite films of the year. [url=http://img10.exs.cx/my.php?lo...]Two[/url] [url=http://img9.exs.cx/my.php?loc...]posters[/url] of another upcoming fav.
~
We received a boo-boo from a festival I was really hoping on getting into. I'm surprised I haven't put myself through the usual round of merciless self-torture.
It's alright. I shall strive harder.
I should also note that it was very comforting to drive to work after reading the rejection with [url=http://images.amazon.com/imag...]this[/url] blasting in the car.
~
I’m becoming fast friends with Ms. P, a new gal in the office. Having parents who live in Paris and being well-traveled herself, I can easily relate to where she’s coming from. Going around the world changes one’s perspective, and she was no exception.
Ms. P is also a recent college grad, still possessing a sense of optimism untainted by cynicism. A lot like me seven years ago, when I stepped into the real world with idealism planted firmly on my shoulders. I catch myself every now and then when we talk, sounding like a bitter mentor spewing advice with the underlying [i]everyone's bad[/i] and [i]everything's shit.[/i] Then I realize it’s not my role to slip in such words of wisdom every other sentence. She needs to mature at her own pace, in her own time.
Ms. P unknowingly moved into the gay neighborhood. She was warned not to venture into the pool area in her complex after dark. I asked her if she has heard any “noises” in the middle of the night.
[i]“Yen!” [/i]
She expressed her disgust by calling my name in a tone that sat comfortably between don’t-go-there and tell-me-more.
“What is with gay men and black spandex tank tops?” She asked me one day as we drove by the bars.
In a nutshell, I explained to her the history of homo civilization, and how the fashion fad is just a natural progression, along with her gay uncle’s sudden splurge in a brand new [url=http://www.kawasaki.com/]Kawasaki[/url].
“I think he’s just going through a mid-life crisis,” she simplified. I’m sure she’s right, but I had to push it further with my theory of gay men’s insecurity with their masculinity, and how they try to over-compensate by building bigger bods, wearing [url=http://www.abercrombie.com/an...]A&Fs[/url], resisting the urge to bop their heads to a remixed Madonna beat, or in the case of Ms. P's relative, purchasing a bike that oozes butchness.
As I dropped her home and drove back to mine, I began to evaluate my hypocrisy. After all, I am guilty of making snide remarks at the expense of my brothers and sisters, all to feed my self-righteousness, assuring myself that yes, I'm really above it all.
Ms. P at one point commented that I “wasn’t like most gay men she’s met.”
I’ve heard that remark in different variations from different people:
[i]“You’re so different from my cousin Tony. He’s a flamer with a capital F.”[/i]
Or,
[i]“You really don’t have any skin-tight outfits in your closet do you?”[/i]
And my favorite,
[i]“You’re so normal, I can’t believe you’re gay.”[/i]
They may sound like compliments at the time, but now I’m wondering if they’re just reinforcements for my own internalized homophobia. The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with being effeminate. Nothing wrong with saying “fabulous” with more than one [i]s[/i]. Nothing wrong with being a flamer with a capital F.
There’s also nothing wrong with being beefy or muscular or hairy or what-have-you. Isn’t that what being gay is about? Being accommodating? Accepting? Open-minded? Non-judgmental? And this whole gender-identifying slurs we’re firing at each other, haven't we rebelled against it, giving the conventional standards of male or female a big middle finger? But here we are, telling each other off for assimilating too much with one or the other. I look around these days and I see a diverse community filled with uniform groups: muscles with muscles, nelly with nelly, or hairy with hairy.
Maybe it’s just a human condition: we’re either seeking someone to hate or someone to look down upon, so we could ultimately feel good about ourselves. Homo or hetero, it doesn’t matter. I just thought the former should know better, but I guess it has come around in one full circle.
Change begins from one. It’s time to quit bitching and start pitching. Will you join me?
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| Angle on acting |
| 07.18.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
[url=http://www.foxsearchlight.com...]This[/url] is very insightful. It makes me want to enroll in an acting class again. Once I pay off my current debt that is.
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I ran into Karl at Whole Foods yesterday. Last time I saw him was at the "DEADROOM" screening. I've never worked with him before (he was in David's "[url=http://www.road-dog-productio...]Still[/url]") but the more I get to know him, the more I find an actor I could connect with. He's modest and not self-indulgent, and as little work as he's getting these days, it's so inspiring to hear him professing that he's pickier about the type of projects he wants to be in: quality indies and no commercials.
"I'm just at a point where I don't want to waste my time on something I don't care for anymore," he commented.
Plus, he actually donated to our film when he didn't even have that much money.
As a token of appreciation, I offered to cut his reel for free.
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| Me peers & I |
| 07.17.04 (9:59 am) [edit] |
[url=http://www.friendster.com/use...]JMac[/url] is in town!
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On the night of his arrival, we had dinner at [url=http://www.digitalcity.com/da...]Cosmic Cafe[/url]. The usual suspects were also present: [url=http://www.road-dog-productio...]David[/url], [url=http://www.spiraldiner.com]Mr. & Mrs. Johnston[/url], [url=http://www.wipstudios.com/]Barak[/url], his niece Rachel, his girl Lauren, [url=http://www.powderedbones.com/...]Clay[/url], and this other dude I recognized but don't remember his name. Our conversations naturally revolved around filmmaking: stuff we've seen (loved or hated) and stuff we've worked on, similar to the ones we had the week before at the same venue with [url=http://www.absenceofwings.com...]Kat[/url] and her producers. It's nice to share this common ground of interest and frustration amongst people who are all going through similar issues. It could be very discouraging at times, knowing that things are really that hard, but also reassuring in an it's-okay-we-all-go-throu gh-the-same-shit sense.
I still get very uncomfortable whenever discussions turn to me: what are you working on? How's your previous film doing? Did it sell well?
When Jim reminded me that I need to get my material together for the manager he's been telling me about, I was almost squirming in my seat. I was very appreciative of his offer and I thought it was a very selfless thing to do. Oftentimes, people are only interested in helping themselves and no one else. Then it dawn upon me that friends like Jim, James and David are gonna be the ones I surround myself with for the rest of my career. I trust their opinions, and I know they won't bullshit me if something's not working. Hopefully, we'll always get to work on each other's projects. Ideally, we'll all be getting paid too.
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After dinner, we headed back to my place for beer, coffee and a change of topic to politics. I hope that we were exaggerating for the most part. Some of the potential scenarios we discussed are just downright depressing.
~
I neglected to mention that last Sunday, Jerry and I went to see Ferzan Ozptek's "[url=http://www.sonyclassics.com/f...]Facing Windows[/url]." It was one of those Italian melodramas with hints of Almodovar's sensibility, but we enjoyed it immensely. The second half was weak, and the coincidental nature of some of the character developments were just too [url=http://www.telemundo.com/inde...]Telemundo[/url]. But what can I say? I'm a sucker for loving close-ups of beautiful Italians and sweeping camera movements accompanied by a symphonic-meets-downtempo -electronica [url=http://www.andreaguerra.it/ht...]score[/url].
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| License to chill |
| 07.15.04 (8:46 am) [edit] |
These are the days of waiting - waiting for the destiny of [url=http://www.deadroommovie.com]"DEADROOM"[/url] primarily.
I'm coming to terms with my boredom, getting more conscious of the fact that my neurosis is heightened at times when I have the luxury to chill. It's weird, really. I love to sit around and not do much, but lately (perhaps all along), I find myself distracted, motivated by an unreasonable idea to keep moving. For what, really? To make myself feel like I'm always doing something? Then I remember my mom nagging to my dad that she cannot comprehend how he can just sit by the bed and listen to the radio for an hour, while she's watching [url=http://www.tvb.com.hk/]Chinese soap[/url], fixing dinner and finishing up some newspaper article she started reading earlier in the morning when she was taking a shower and scrubbing the tub.
Her tactic was to make my dad feel useless, make him think: [i]boy, she is just THE multi-tasker, isn't she?[/i]
Now I'm wondering if she was just jealous of his ability to be leisure, which would only be possible for her if she was given a tranquilizing shot the strength of an elephant.
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Check out the glorious stills from [url=http://www.road-dog-productio...]David's[/url] Guy Maddin-inspired music video for [url=http://www.thepolyphonicspree...]The Polyphonic Spree[/url]. I hope he wins.
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Late last week, I was greeted by an e-mail from the Sundance Lab: "Pit Stop" has made it into the semi-finalist.
It was completely unexpected, but I also recognize it's still a long-ass shot: the selections have to be narrowed down to the final twelve. It's nice anyway, and I'm just taking this as is, no expectations, no daydreams about mingling with Robert Redford and playing [url=http://www.lego.com/eng/]Legos[/url] with my assigned mentor Michel Gondry.
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I've been fine-tuning "Pit Stop" since the notification, improving and reimproving until it's time to send the complete draft in (which is less than two weeks). I am getting closer to a point where I can stop myself from making faces or muttering ughs at my material. The self-torturing thing is getting old. Self-assurance, on the other hand, is gradually building. Soon, I will become the swan I truly am.
Just kiddin' folks. But if that ever happens, somebody please shred my feathers.
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